Isn’t it always?
It’s a Jason Isbell kind of night.
We were running super late and I had a wardrobe malfunction that left me terrified of exposing myself in front of Dominic’s bosses, so not many pictures exist from last night, which is a shame because my hair, makeup, and jewelry were all on point. Multiple people told me they liked my dress. I dealt with the wardrobe malfunction by staying pleasantly (not too) drunk all night. And then we went home and ate hotdogs. (We did get a prom photo made, and I’m excited about that.)
My preference is to carry Dax. I rarely use his stroller. He walks and when he gets tired I carry him and then Dominic carries him. They get older and don’t want to be held anymore and then you can’t hold them even if you want to. So, yes, carry them while you can.
All the mommy tears… All of them
This is really well written!“One day, you’ll put him down and won’t ever pick him up again”… because he will have outgrown it.”
Atlanta has been great. This is probably lame, but I haven’t really been doing much except napping, drinking coffee and cocktails, and working on poetry submissions + poems. I did see Ed Helms in a fancy restaurant yesterday. Afterwards, Dominic and I walked across the street to Great Clips so he could get a hair cut. Then we ordered drinks and chicken wings from the hotel lobby, went upstairs, and video chatted with our baby.
Ever since I quit teaching I have been in this weird limbo of not having a job to validate myself to others. I meet new people and they ask what I do. I tell them I have a toddler. I stay at home with him on days he isn’t in daycare. I rarely go into how I try really hard to write poems. Some days are much better than other days. Some days I just walk around my house in circles of self-loathing. Some days I write obsessively. I’ve spent six months trying to get into the habit of writing-as-regular-work, and for the most part I’m succeeding, except that I’m coming off a period of three weeks wherein my computer broke and suddenly I didn’t have my laptop anymore and then I also had a million errands to run and we had visitors every other weekend and then we left on vacation. I didn’t write much then. I spent a lot time feeling sorry for myself and feeling insecure though.
A few days ago I got notification that three of my poems are being published in the inaugural edition of Cherry Tree, a literary journal based out of Washington College. I haven’t published anything since I was 20. I had basically stopped writing for the past 12 years. I got busy with other things: being married and being a teacher, moving around, having a kid. I liked being able to say “I’m a teacher” when people asked me what I do. I was doing something real and valuable and productive. I miss teaching sometimes. I was good at it. I definitely liked the assumed prestige that comes with being a college teacher. But there’s no future in it, no pay. It’s a profession that will never, ever love you back.
It’s a gift, this time I have to do nothing but write on days when Dax is in daycare. I know this, but the work is still lonely and isolating. Most days I still believe I’m a talentless hack. But I’m a talentless hack who is writing a lot and getting better every day. I’m a talentless hack with poems being published in February.
P.S. Speaking of published writing, go read Liz’s essay in the Hairpin. So wonderful.
I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am merely in Atlanta with Dominic on a work trip. Dax is with his grandparents in Alabama this week. May we all approach life with the intensity and zeal of Dax eating ice cream.
Let’s start this Wednesday off with a slow jam.
I already knew almost all of this trivia, plus I’ve had the boxed set for Gilmore Girls for over five years now and have watched the entire thing at least three times. Not that I’m bragging (I am absolutely bragging—is this what fandom is?)At this point, “Gilmore Girls” fans are counting down the days until the beloved series hits Netflix. Sadly, we still have half the month of September left. So we have no choice but to indulge in as much “Gilmore” nostalgia as pos…
I would give a kidney (and probably an arm and a leg) to make a movie happen. Let that just be known now.
Stars Hollow forever.
As an aside, while watching that tumblr net neutrality video, I was like, who’s this random doing the voice-over? What an amateur!
It’s Mark Ruffalo.
Today’s the day. The day you help save the internet from being ruined.
(Long story short: The FCC is about to make a critical decision as to whether or not internet service providers have to treat all traffic equally. If they choose wrong, then the internet where anyone could start a website for any reason at all, the internet that’s been so momentous, funny, weird, and surprising—that internet could cease to exist. Here’s your chance to preserve a beautiful thing.)
How can you not support this?
Aw, man you guys. Tumblr has made this sooooo easy. Let them connect you to your senator’s office in support of internet neutrality.
One other thing about my dress is that it kind of reminds me of the tattered ruins of Cinderella’s first dress, but it a good way. I also can’t wear a bra with it. Cool talk.
So I bought this dress for the ball (aside: saying “the ball” is so melodramatic, like I have delusions that I’m in a Disney movie). It’s the kind of dress that looks really nice as you move around in it. It flutters. It’s also an undeniably weird dress. But I bought it. It’s mine. I’m having the hem altered so I don’t trip over my weird dress at the ball. It’s definitely a grown-up gown, not a prom dress. I was okay with wearing a prom dress, but I’m also okay with trying to be more elegant…if color-blocked green and white can be considered elegant. I bought some leopard print sandals to go with it because that seemed the right thing to do.
Better than non-beaded gowns obviously. Rent the Runway keeps coming up. You guys are persuasive and I’ve seen selfies of you in your dresses here on tumblr, and you look lovely, but my midsection is a special snowflake. Even with being sent two different sizes, I don’t have faith that a dress I pick out online will fit or be flattering.
Tomorrow I’m going to the mall to try on dresses to get a sense of what styles and sizes work for me. Maybe I’ll pretend I’m a super fancy business lady stranded in a small town. My luggage has been lost, along with my expensive designer gown! And I have a super important client meeting to go to! At a gala! Lumberjacks will be there! I have no choice but to go to the Dillard’s in the local mall and buy something OFF THE RACK!
(Here is where I admit to something super shameful that provided a lot of amusement for me for years. When I was a kid, my parents would get those super thick J.C. Penney catalogues. I used to pretend that I was being sent on a super abrupt, super secret vacation. The premise of the vacation was always shaky, but basically I was going to be gone for three months and I couldn’t bring any clothes of my own. I HAD TO ORDER THEM FROM THE J.C. PENNEY CATALOGUE. Everything…underwear, shoes, accessories. I picked out an entire wardrobe from each catalogue. It was HARD. Do you know how many grandma clothes are in Penney’s catalogues? All of them!)
(Now kids have the internet so they don’t have to play dumb, made-up games with themselves.)
After thinking there would be no way for Dominic and me to go to the Air Force ball this year, it looks like we’re going. And I have nothing to WEAR. If you guys have any tips on cute but inexpensive formal dresses—online or in actual brick and mortar stores—please send them my way. I’d like to think I could do rent the runway, but I’m terrified of ordering the wrong size dress. If I bought the dress online and it didn’t fit, I might still have time to have it altered.
My boobs are my best asset, so I look best in halter or v-necks. I need a structured middle. Jewel tones compliment my complexion.
I will probably go to the MALL and wander around lost in the prom section, and this whole thing is going to make me cry and give me feeeeelings about my body, but maybe just maybe I can find a dress that makes me feel like a bombshell. I neeeeeeed this. I need to feel pretty. Help me!
Look, I don’t mean to brag about my mothering and life skills, but ever since Dominic left on a work trip Tuesday, I have literally eaten only rotel dip and chips, a few grapes, and three petit fours. Also Dax and I have been snuggling on the couch every evening and watching Parks and Recreation together. It has been AWESOME.
TWO PEAS IN A POD….JOSEPHINE & EARTHA
Eartha Kitt & Josephine Baker with there pet leopards.
I mean dost thou even need me to say it.
Mayhap you can convince yourself that any Sightless could stride the earth(a) accompanied by a jungle (Kitt) cat of supernatural self-possession.
But mayhap you can convince yourself of anything. If thou catcheth my drift.
This is not an indictment of charmcore. BUT…”there pet leopards.”